While here on vacation, my sister took beautiful pictures of my little family. I love them. They capture the joy of my children & the life Mr P and I have built. 

I look at these photos and smile at each face, until I get to my own. I know that person, but her shape - her body - is not one I recognize. 

The years of infertility we experienced were the result of several biological issues my body experiences. One of those is Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). Common symptoms include: head hair loss, weight gain/difficult weight loss, painful/infrequent menstrual cycles, infertility, skin tags, etc. 

Several of these are symptoms I experience. None of these are things that I can control happening to my body. All of my symptoms are things I work at influencing/overcoming each day.

I have been blessed to have 4 beautiful children, despite my condition & with the help of medical procedures. 

The wonderful thing is that PCOS does not define who I am as a person. 

Experiencing it has aided me in growing to be a better person. 

Just remember, please, that you can not always tell that a person is experiencing health issues by looking at their outward appearance. 

There was a time I thought I would not be blessed with children in this life.

Never have I been happier to be wrong. 

Keeping It Real

Lately I have felt... put out.
I am tired, I am cranky, I am short tempered, I am easily irritable.

I'll be the first to admit that in my pre-children infertility days, I had day dreams of perfect afternoons, sitting on a blanket on my lawn, watching my kind/sharing/thoughtful children play nicely together.

Here I am, 3 children (in 4 years) later, and I am a basket case. My hair is never done, I rarely wear makeup, I smell of spit up or poop or pee by 9 am, if I have kept from raising my voice by 11am I feel accomplished, I am likely wearing a pair of pants I pulled out of my laundry hamper (because I've been washing all the kids spit up, poopy or peed on clothes) and I can not wait for daddy to get home & bed time.

Now, I love my children so very much.  They are my little angels, my miracles right here on earth. I worked long & hard and paid lots of money to get to the point of them joining me here on this beautiful earth.  That does not make being a mom any easier, but it definitely helps me put into perspective an eternal point of view.

So, today I remind myself that I prayed thousands of times, made sacrifices unspeakable & desired above all else to be a mother.  I got my wish.  Time to focus on being grateful.




(ps - it still sucks, just a little bit... but aren't they cute?)